Mindless Munching

Oh, man. I just did it again. Without so much as a single conscious thought, my hand crept into my second desk drawer on the right and came out with a hunk of chocolate, which proceeded directly to my lips.

And now here I am, chewing away, like a cow with her cud, before I even realize that I'm mindlessly munching. Again.

It doesn't matter that this particular blob is not merely my regular chocolaty fare from my not-so-hidden stash - Snickers or Cadbury or Dove or on a really good day, Godiva. Nope. This particular chunk is from the seductive bar of expensive Swiss chocolate I brought back from my recent European vacation.

All the more reason I ought to be cognizant of every minuscule morsel I consume, right? I should savor every smooth, delicate molecule. Not just scarf it down while my attention is on my computer screen. Right?

Right.

So why am I now reaching for another pawful?

ARGGH! Here comes that familiar self-incriminating Saint Paul thing whomping on my psyche:

"I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it ... I know perfectly well what I'm doing is wrong ... but I can't help myself" (Romans 7: 15 -17, NLT).

 Paul must have been a choco-athlete like me. I just know it. He didn't want to admit it because it was probably a big no-no to scarf cocoa in ancient Jewish culture. He understands me far too well not to be. And you, too, writer buddy! It may not always be chocolate, but mindless munching seems to be a universal problem with writers - I hear them grumbling about it to each other all the time at writing conferences.

If you've written for more than a week, you know the system. Write a sentence. Chew while you think about the next sentence. Mastication spurs imagination. Write another sentence. Chew some more. Go back and rewrite the first sentence. Ah, you know this one's a winner. Chew madly in celebration as you type. Repeat process. Finish the page and finally notice the empty Frito bag in your lap. Upturn the bag of crumbs into your mouth to get one good final chew so you can start the next chapter and fetch another bag.

Someone else who understands me is humorist/author Karen Scalf Linamen. I remember reading in one of her books (can't recall if it was Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Will Get Hurt or Chocolatherapy) about the time she decided to train herself to stop mindlessly munching while writing. So she filled her usual go-to candy dish with doggie treats and placed it high above her computer desk so that she would have to stand to reach it.

She soon became engrossed in fabricating her new chapter. The first time she came to, she was holding a doggie treat to her lips and opening her mouth. Ack! She threw it on the ground with a little scream. The little brown bone must have fallen out of the bowl because she had no memory of standing to retrieve it. Yucko. She would have to be more aware of earthquakes and wind gusts in her writing studio.

The next time her consciousness emerged, her hand was reaching into an empty candy dish as she stood chewing something extremely crunchy. It tasted faintly of chicken. And to add to her horror, the piece on the floor was missing. But her little dog had been outside all day. 

So tell me writerly friends, do you, too, struggle with mindless munching ... the chocholaty variety, Purina, or otherwise?

Becoming a Crossover Author

Deb in Speaker mode

I recently received an e-mail from a fledgling author asking for suggestions about finding a publisher for her manuscript. When I asked, "Is your book Christian or secular?" she replied, "Both. I want my book to be a crossover. My hope is to draw the secular to Christ through the book. I teach Christian principles in my book but I quote only four scriptures. Many great author/speakers like Joel Osteen, John Maxwell and Dave Ramsey do this."

The kind of audience every speaker loves

I believe my response to this well meaning gal is pertinent to many beginning authors:

Yes, I'd say pretty much ALL faith-based author/speakers that I've ever met have that same goal - to draw the secular to Christ through their books or presentations. The problem is that agents and publishers will scoff if you answer that question in that way, because to them, books are only sold to book buyers (bookstores, etc) by being one or the other, not straddling the line.

The hard truth is that non-Christians rarely pick up Christian books (intentionally), and sometimes get extremely angry if the book mentions even one scripture if it was marketed to them as secular. I just read a blog post about a very ugly incident to that effect that was written by a Christian agent about someone who bought her client's book that wasn't advertised as Christian, but contained a subtle Christian message. The buyer was highly offended, considered it false advertising, demanded a refund, and groused about it all over the internet.

Apparently this happens all the time. And vice versa, of course. Perhaps it's not fair, but it's the way it is. You pretty much have to have the overall label Christian, Inspirational, or NOT to make any headway with first agents, then publishers. They operate by labels and if you can't, they won't waste their time on you.

The "great author/speakers" you mentioned are all labeled Christian by the industry and have been able to carry over to a general audience (not secular, but general) because of their enormous platforms they've built through years of promoting their work as pertinent to both worlds. It's unlikely that you or I will achieve that in our lifetimes, unless we manage to land a national television audience or internet show that draws millions.

Oh, no one says you can't start out billing yourself a crossover author, but it will just make the path bumpier for you. Once you're established in one side or the other and have obtained a loyal readership, then you have a better chance of successfully crossing over.

One solution is to do what I did and pitch your book as "written from a Christian perspective, but seeker-friendly." That way pubs know you're in the Christian camp, but your manuscript has gift book potential or would be unoffensive for those not particularly looking for a "Christian book." I get letters all the time from readers who have bought my books for their non-believing friends because they were, "just the non-intimidating, gentle faith-sharing message I've been looking for."

You know, it's like the advice given to newbie writers who try to write by their own rules instead of adhering to the established rules of the trade: Sure, you can write like ee cummings or Hemingway if you want. But you're NOT ee cummings or Hemingway and you'll very likely still be trying to get published ten years from now because you haven't paid your dues to become ee cummings or Hemingway as they did.

Wait until you've proven you know how to follow the rules before you break them.

How about you, friend? What has been your experience in crossing over?  

Tackling One-Pagers (Part 2)

With a good one-pager, you've got it made in the shade

Please review Part 1 in my previous post before proceeding with this post so we're all on the same page (pun intended, snicker, snicker).

A one-pager basically contains the same information a query letter would include, and should answer the following questions:

1. What qualifies you to write this book? (Your platform; keep your bio BRIEF - they can and will look up your website if they're interested so no need to list it all here.)

2. What is the book about? (Short synopsis: make it interesting and craft a killer hook first sentence.)

3. What's the basic pub info? (Word count, page count - approximate if book isn't completed, genre, bookstore category, completion status - how much longer will it take?, format, endorsements.)

4. Who is your audience? (Age, gender, special interests - do your homework and be specific!)

5. Why will this book be marketable? (What makes it stand above the rest of the pack?)

6. How will you assist in marketing? (Outline your marketing plan, and it should include numbers - your current social media followers and how you intend to market to them.)

Obviously, since all of this is to be included on ONE  page, each question should be answered in one paragraph if possible, two at the most. Write tight and keep the emphasis on the book, not on you.

One-pagers are valuable PR ammo and should be created with extreme care. They often open doors to book contracts. Make no mistake: This is your audition with this agent or publisher and your first impression COUNTS. If it doesn't pique their interest, it will be the only sample of your writing they will ever see.

You have one shot ... make it count!

Tackling One-Pagers (Part 1)

If someone could build Stonehenge, you can build a one-pager

Mini me. Proposal in a nutshell. Hope on a rope. One-pager. One sheet. Oh, just shoot me. My last prayer.

I've heard all of these terms used to describe the same thing: THE most important item you'll carry to your next writer's conference. Your one-pager.

A one-pager is a single-spaced sheet of paper you'll hand out to editors and/or agents as a convenient (much easier for them to carry than a dozen bulky proposals pushed on them by rabid author wannabes) follow-up to your verbal book proposal presentation.

Trust me - I've spoken to enough editors to know they'll appreciate you thoughtfulness in considering their overburdened rotator cuffs and this will bode well for you during decision time.

A one-pager should include your contact info (write it on your letterhead if you have one), working title and subtitle prominently displayed, your head shot (professional, please, NOT a cell phone snapshot!) and should be written in the tone in which your book is written.

Describe the storyline/synopsis in third person present tense (using "is" instead of "was") and the idea is to make the reader (editor/agent) want to hear more. Writing your bio in third person enables the editor/agent to see how effective (and impressive) it would appear in promotional materials if they offer you a contract.

Your writing should be tight, concise, well crafted, and thoroughly edited. Include any slogans or tag lines that create promotional appeal (like a movie teaser: "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in to the water.")

I don't know any experienced writers with a manuscript at the proposal stage who don't approach writer's conferences without their one-pagers. If the editor/agent to whom you've pitched your book idea is interested in following up, they'll have everything they need to convince their publishing house team that your project has promise, and to get in touch with you to request a partial or full proposal. After that ... Lord willing and the creek don't rise ... the next request will be for your manuscript.

There are certain points about your book that must be included for your one-pager to be effective. Stay tuned to my next post for the clincher!

Word Fun

Deb enjoying a proper view of London

I ran across some more very cool word facts I thought you might enjoy.

"Fickleheaded" and "fiddledeedee" are the longest words consisting only of letters in the first half of the alphabet. (I use fickleheaded at least once a day, don't you?)

The lunula is the half-moon shaped pale area at the bottom of fingernails.

"Ma is as selfless as I am" reads the same spelled forwards or backwards.

The only number (spelled out) from one to one thousand that contains the letter "a" is one thousand.

"Underground" is the only word in the English languish that begins and ends with the letters "und."

Commonly misspelled words:
accommodate
all right
privilege
embarrass
grammar
forty
separate
calendar (I screw this one up every single time!)

And there's another misspelled word in this post ... did you catch it?

Okay, I confessed. Now what's your spelling word nemesis?

Can't Win 'Em All

Deb's favorite Banyan tree from Billowing Sails

While emailing an award-winning journalist that I love, love, loved her recent article, I casually mentioned that I have a new book out and if she'd happen to like a copy, I'd be happy to send one right along.

I think I'm performing a little savvy publicity move, right? Maybe, just maybe, she'll like my book enough for a mention in one of her articles to her big - no, HUGE - readership.

I'm practically salivating over the possibilities, so when she responds in the affirmative, I'm dancing on sunbeams. Big woohoo!!

Fast forward four weeks. Still no word from my new ticket-to-paradise journalist BFF, but she's written another article that I wish I had. It's really, really good. So good that I'm back at my computer zipping off another congrats-on-a-grandslam-piece email.

Within an hour, I see in my inbox a reply. With heart dancing pitty-pat, I click on what I hope is a note stating, "I'm so glad you wrote again - it reminds me to tell you I'm planning a two-page spread on your exceptional writing career and this fantastic book, Fear, Faith, and a Fistful of Chocolate. When can the newspaper photographer schedule a photo shoot?"

But what I find is a bit different. It's a lone sentence thanking me for my kind words. And after her signature, a tacked on P.S. mentioning that oh, yes, by the way, she liked my book and is loaning it to her cleaning lady.

Sigh.

One can only hope her cleaning lady is a book reviewer for the New York Times.

Pruning Pains (Editing is not for Sissies)

Editing can be gut-wrenching. As every writer/self-editor knows, whacking your darlings is never easy. You feel wounded with every slash of the red ink; your heart pangs with every press of the delete button. You agonize as you ruthlessly hack and snip and chop words and phrases that you struggled to create in the first place.

And then when you're finished, you're never sure if you've actually improved anything. Maybe you've just shortened the torment.

But then you run across a masterpiece of editing and you understand why it's necessary. Why you must muscle through the painful process in order to birth a living, breathing baby. A perfect living, breathing being.


I was watching the wonderful film, Sabrina, the other night, and one of those editing-masterpiece scenes slapped me across the face. (It wasn't the original with Humphrey Bogart and Audrey Hepburn, but the the remake with Harrison Ford and Greg Kinnear as the fabulously wealthy brothers Larraby.)

As the story goes, Sabrina, the Larraby's awkward, frizzy chauffeur's daughter who has grown up on the mammoth Long Island estate completely smitten with David, the dashing, carefree young brother (Greg Kinnear), undergoes a metamorphosis while working abroad. She finds herself in Paris. Or at least a stunningly drop-dead gorgeous version of herself that knocks the socks off hapless David upon her return.

The problem is that David is now engaged to a beautiful physician, the daughter of another mega-wealthy New York business tycoon, and a multi-billion dollar merger between the Larraby Corporation and this gal's daddy is hanging in the balance.

David's older brother Linus (an adorably deadpan, seriously nerdy Harrison Ford), begins to court poor confused Sabrina to sabotage the budding romance between her and David. He will woo her, win, her, and then dump her in Paris in order to save the financial day. But his brilliant plan runs amok when he accidentally truly falls in love with Sabrina and she with him.

And here's where the editing masterpiece scene comes in. 

Linus has just realized he can't follow through with his plan to unceremoniously dump Sabrina in Paris (although he doesn't understand why he suddenly feels this way) and he's spilling the beans to her in his usual hard-nosed, calloused way.

One can imagine the writer scribbling away at the original scene, pouring out all the juicy stuff that is obviously playing through the brain of clueless, never-before-been-in-love Linus. There is so much that could have been said here ... and likely was said in the first draft. And maybe even second draft. But none of it made it through the ruthless editing process. The dialogue is sparse. It's basically barren. But because of Linus's no-nonsense, business-only personality that has already been established by the excellent script, it works. It WORKS. Big time.

So here's what Linus intones in his gravelly monotone voice in response to Sabrina's impassioned, "Why did you lie to me?"

"There was a marriage.
There was a merger.
You got in the way."

That's all. But with all the volumes left unsaid, it was more than enough. More is not better in writing, especially dialogue. And this dozen or so words was beautifully haunting in a lingering-in-your-soul sort of pain.

So what's your favorite example of excellent editing? I'd love to hear it?